Revise a draft for what matters most
Grade 11 Reading Worksheet - Challenge Me
Circle the best answer.
Read this first
Use this
Saving the Carrow Junction Depot (local history article draft for an invented historical society's newsletter, read by members of all ages): [1] For sixty years, trains stopped twice a day at the Carrow Junction depot, a brick station built in 1898 where the Lakeshore line met the branch to the quarries. [2] Passenger service ended in 1958, and the building stood empty for most of the next four decades, its windows boarded and its roof slowly giving way. [3] In 1996, the Carrow Historical Society bought the depot from the railroad for one dollar, on the condition that the society repair it within five years.
[4] It seems that it may perhaps have been the case that the society's members possibly did not fully know how much work the roof would need. [5] The minutes of the society's 1996 meetings mention the roof only once, describing it as in need of repair. [6] A 1997 engineer's report found that most of the roof timbers had rotted and that replacing them would cost about $140,000, more than the society had ever raised. [7] Over the next eight years, members held bake sales, sold engraved bricks and wrote to former passengers, many of whom sent small gifts with letters about their trips. [8] A state preservation grant of $60,000 in 2002 paid for the new roof timbers and slate. [9] Volunteers then spent three summers repairing the brick walls and rebuilding the ticket window from old photographs.
[10] The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it is possibly, perhaps, the most visited building in Carrow, according to what may be the society's count. [11] The society's visitor book records about 4,000 visitors a year, though the town keeps no count for its other buildings. [12] Many visitors are descendants of the passengers whose letters and photographs now hang beside the restored ticket window.
[13] The building's next need is a ramp at the main door, so that visitors who use wheelchairs can enter without help. [14] The society will discuss a detailed plan for the ramp at its April meeting, and members' suggestions are welcome.
Ari is trimming the stacked hedges in sentence 4. Which revision keeps only the limit that sentence 5's evidence needs?
- The society's members did not know how much work the roof would need.
- The society's members probably did not know how much work the roof would need.
- It may perhaps be that the society's members possibly did not know how much work the roof would need.
- The society's members did not know how much work the roof might perhaps need.
Tala has three plans for revising the article, which must tell members of all ages the depot's story clearly. Which plan puts the right changes in the right order?
- 1. Trim the stacked hedges in sentences 4 and 10 to one limit each. 2. Read the story aloud to catch any dense sentence. 3. Proofread.
- 1. Proofread the commas and spelling. 2. Check the dates against the minutes. 3. Trim the stacked hedges in sentences 4 and 10 if time allows.
- 1. Add an archive number for each source. 2. Add footnotes for the 1997 report. 3. Trim the stacked hedges in sentences 4 and 10.
- 1. Add a heading for each section. 2. Shorten sentence 1. 3. Proofread.
Jun is trimming the stacked hedges in sentence 10. Which revision keeps only the limit that sentence 11's evidence needs?
- The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it is possibly, perhaps, the most visited building in Carrow.
- The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it is the most visited building in Carrow, according to what may be the society's count.
- The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it is the most visited building in Carrow.
- The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it may be the most visited building in Carrow.
Use this
Saving the Carrow Junction Depot (local history article draft for an invented historical society's newsletter, read by members of all ages): [1] For sixty years, trains stopped twice a day at the Carrow Junction depot, a brick station built in 1898 where the Lakeshore line met the branch to the quarries. [2] Passenger service ended in 1958, and the building stood empty for most of the next four decades, its windows boarded and its roof slowly giving way. [3] In 1996, the Carrow Historical Society bought the depot from the railroad for one dollar, on the condition that the society repair it within five years.
[4] It seems that it may perhaps have been the case that the society's members possibly did not fully know how much work the roof would need. [5] The minutes of the society's 1996 meetings mention the roof only once, describing it as in need of repair. [6] A 1997 engineer's report found that most of the roof timbers had rotted and that replacing them would cost about $140,000, more than the society had ever raised. [7] Over the next eight years, members held bake sales, sold engraved bricks and wrote to former passengers, many of whom sent small gifts with letters about their trips. [8] A state preservation grant of $60,000 in 2002 paid for the new roof timbers and slate. [9] Volunteers then spent three summers repairing the brick walls and rebuilding the ticket window from old photographs.
[10] The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it is possibly, perhaps, the most visited building in Carrow, according to what may be the society's count. [11] The society's visitor book records about 4,000 visitors a year, though the town keeps no count for its other buildings. [12] Many visitors are descendants of the passengers whose letters and photographs now hang beside the restored ticket window.
[13] The building's next need is a ramp at the main door, so that visitors who use wheelchairs can enter without help. [14] The society will discuss a detailed plan for the ramp at its April meeting, and members' suggestions are welcome.
First-draft version of sentence 12: A significant proportion of the visitor population consists of individuals who are descendants of the passengers whose correspondence and photographs are currently on display adjacent to the restored ticket window.
Pia revised sentence 12; the first-draft version is printed below the article. Which margin note labels the change and names the reader it serves?
- Move: the sentence about descendants now follows the visitor count, so members see the numbers first.
- Reword: plain words replace “visitor population” and “correspondence,” so members of all ages see who the visitors are.
- Reword: plain words replace “visitor population” and “correspondence,” which makes the article more fun.
- Reword: plain words replace “visitor population” and “correspondence,” so railroad historians can cite the display.
Use this
Saving the Carrow Junction Depot (local history article draft for an invented historical society's newsletter, read by members of all ages): [1] For sixty years, trains stopped twice a day at the Carrow Junction depot, a brick station built in 1898 where the Lakeshore line met the branch to the quarries. [2] Passenger service ended in 1958, and the building stood empty for most of the next four decades, its windows boarded and its roof slowly giving way. [3] In 1996, the Carrow Historical Society bought the depot from the railroad for one dollar, on the condition that the society repair it within five years.
[4] It seems that it may perhaps have been the case that the society's members possibly did not fully know how much work the roof would need. [5] The minutes of the society's 1996 meetings mention the roof only once, describing it as in need of repair. [6] A 1997 engineer's report found that most of the roof timbers had rotted and that replacing them would cost about $140,000, more than the society had ever raised. [7] Over the next eight years, members held bake sales, sold engraved bricks and wrote to former passengers, many of whom sent small gifts with letters about their trips. [8] A state preservation grant of $60,000 in 2002 paid for the new roof timbers and slate. [9] Volunteers then spent three summers repairing the brick walls and rebuilding the ticket window from old photographs.
[10] The depot reopened in 2005 as a small museum, and it is possibly, perhaps, the most visited building in Carrow, according to what may be the society's count. [11] The society's visitor book records about 4,000 visitors a year, though the town keeps no count for its other buildings. [12] Many visitors are descendants of the passengers whose letters and photographs now hang beside the restored ticket window.
[13] The building's next need is a ramp at the main door, so that visitors who use wheelchairs can enter without help. [14] The society will discuss a detailed plan for the ramp at its April meeting, and members' suggestions are welcome.
Bo learns that the newsletter wants the article to end by asking members to help plan the ramp. Which plan does that best?
- 1. Trim the hedges in sentences 4 and 10. 2. Keep every date and cost. 3. Proofread.
- 1. Join sentences 13 and 14 into a closing that asks members to bring ramp ideas to the April meeting. 2. Keep every date and cost. 3. Proofread.
- 1. Add the building code section that governs ramps. 2. List the ramp's slope and width. 3. Proofread.
- 1. Proofread the whole article. 2. Check that sentence 14 names April. 3. Then rewrite the closing as a request for ramp ideas.
Use this
Heat at Grant Avenue Bus Shelters (memo draft to an invented city engineer from a riders' committee): To: Ms. Farida Nasser, City Engineer, Dunmore. From: Riders' Advisory Committee. Subject: Heat at bus shelters. [1] This memo asks the city to add shade to the five bus shelters where our committee measured the highest temperatures this summer. [2] Between June 15 and August 15, committee members read a thermometer inside twelve shelters each weekday at 3 p.m.
[3] Inside the five metal-roofed shelters on Grant Avenue, the average reading was 101°F, compared with 92°F in the seven shelters that stand under trees. [4] These figures may possibly suggest that the metal roofs could perhaps be partly responsible for the difference. [5] The Grant Avenue shelters also stand on a stretch of sidewalk with no trees, so our readings cannot separate the effect of the roofs from the effect of the missing shade. [6] On eleven afternoons the reading inside at least one Grant Avenue shelter passed 105°F, and members saw riders choose to wait in the sun beside the shelter instead. [7] Riders at these stops include many older adults traveling to the clinic on Grant Avenue and students going home from Dunmore High School.
[8] Shade sails or light-colored roof panels could lower the temperature under a shelter, and either could be installed within a single season. [9] Planting trees would probably perhaps likely help in the long run, though young trees may possibly take years to give much shade. [10] The committee's full table of readings, by shelter and by date, is attached to this memo. [11] We ask that the city add shade to the five Grant Avenue shelters before next June.
[12] The committee would be glad to help choose places for new trees and to repeat the readings next summer to check the results. [13] Members can meet with the engineering staff on any weekday afternoon in March. [14] Thank you for considering this request.
Milo is trimming the stacked hedges in sentence 4. Which revision keeps only the limits that sentence 5's evidence needs?
- These figures show that the metal roofs are responsible for the difference.
- These figures suggest that the metal roofs are partly responsible for what may be a difference.
- These figures may suggest that the metal roofs could perhaps be partly responsible for the difference.
- These figures suggest that the metal roofs are partly responsible for the difference.
Use this
Heat at Grant Avenue Bus Shelters (memo draft to an invented city engineer from a riders' committee): To: Ms. Farida Nasser, City Engineer, Dunmore. From: Riders' Advisory Committee. Subject: Heat at bus shelters. [1] This memo asks the city to add shade to the five bus shelters where our committee measured the highest temperatures this summer. [2] Between June 15 and August 15, committee members read a thermometer inside twelve shelters each weekday at 3 p.m.
[3] Inside the five metal-roofed shelters on Grant Avenue, the average reading was 101°F, compared with 92°F in the seven shelters that stand under trees. [4] These figures may possibly suggest that the metal roofs could perhaps be partly responsible for the difference. [5] The Grant Avenue shelters also stand on a stretch of sidewalk with no trees, so our readings cannot separate the effect of the roofs from the effect of the missing shade. [6] On eleven afternoons the reading inside at least one Grant Avenue shelter passed 105°F, and members saw riders choose to wait in the sun beside the shelter instead. [7] Riders at these stops include many older adults traveling to the clinic on Grant Avenue and students going home from Dunmore High School.
[8] Shade sails or light-colored roof panels could lower the temperature under a shelter, and either could be installed within a single season. [9] Planting trees would probably perhaps likely help in the long run, though young trees may possibly take years to give much shade. [10] The committee's full table of readings, by shelter and by date, is attached to this memo. [11] We ask that the city add shade to the five Grant Avenue shelters before next June.
[12] The committee would be glad to help choose places for new trees and to repeat the readings next summer to check the results. [13] Members can meet with the engineering staff on any weekday afternoon in March. [14] Thank you for considering this request.
First-draft version of sentence 8: The installation of shade sails or the replacement of existing roof panels with light-colored alternatives represents a potential means of temperature reduction, with an implementation timeline of a single season.
Zee revised sentence 8; the first-draft version is printed below the memo. Which margin note labels the change and names the reader it serves?
- Reword: nouns become verbs, so riders waiting at the stops can understand the options.
- Reword: nouns become verbs, so the engineer can quickly weigh the two options and their timeline.
- Reword: nouns become verbs, which makes the memo sound more professional.
- Add: a second option, light-colored roof panels, is added so the engineer has a choice.
Use this
Heat at Grant Avenue Bus Shelters (memo draft to an invented city engineer from a riders' committee): To: Ms. Farida Nasser, City Engineer, Dunmore. From: Riders' Advisory Committee. Subject: Heat at bus shelters. [1] This memo asks the city to add shade to the five bus shelters where our committee measured the highest temperatures this summer. [2] Between June 15 and August 15, committee members read a thermometer inside twelve shelters each weekday at 3 p.m.
[3] Inside the five metal-roofed shelters on Grant Avenue, the average reading was 101°F, compared with 92°F in the seven shelters that stand under trees. [4] These figures may possibly suggest that the metal roofs could perhaps be partly responsible for the difference. [5] The Grant Avenue shelters also stand on a stretch of sidewalk with no trees, so our readings cannot separate the effect of the roofs from the effect of the missing shade. [6] On eleven afternoons the reading inside at least one Grant Avenue shelter passed 105°F, and members saw riders choose to wait in the sun beside the shelter instead. [7] Riders at these stops include many older adults traveling to the clinic on Grant Avenue and students going home from Dunmore High School.
[8] Shade sails or light-colored roof panels could lower the temperature under a shelter, and either could be installed within a single season. [9] Planting trees would probably perhaps likely help in the long run, though young trees may possibly take years to give much shade. [10] The committee's full table of readings, by shelter and by date, is attached to this memo. [11] We ask that the city add shade to the five Grant Avenue shelters before next June.
[12] The committee would be glad to help choose places for new trees and to repeat the readings next summer to check the results. [13] Members can meet with the engineering staff on any weekday afternoon in March. [14] Thank you for considering this request.
Kira has three plans for revising the memo before it goes to the engineer. Which plan puts the right changes in the right order?
- 1. Proofread the heading and the numbers. 2. Fix the commas. 3. Trim the stacked hedges in sentences 4 and 9 if time allows.
- 1. Shorten the heading. 2. Add a title to the attached table. 3. Proofread.
- 1. Trim the stacked hedges in sentences 4 and 9. 2. Check each reading against the attached table. 3. Proofread.
- 1. Add a rider's story about a hot afternoon to move readers. 2. Add a photo of riders in the sun. 3. Proofread.
Use this
Heat at Grant Avenue Bus Shelters (memo draft to an invented city engineer from a riders' committee): To: Ms. Farida Nasser, City Engineer, Dunmore. From: Riders' Advisory Committee. Subject: Heat at bus shelters. [1] This memo asks the city to add shade to the five bus shelters where our committee measured the highest temperatures this summer. [2] Between June 15 and August 15, committee members read a thermometer inside twelve shelters each weekday at 3 p.m.
[3] Inside the five metal-roofed shelters on Grant Avenue, the average reading was 101°F, compared with 92°F in the seven shelters that stand under trees. [4] These figures may possibly suggest that the metal roofs could perhaps be partly responsible for the difference. [5] The Grant Avenue shelters also stand on a stretch of sidewalk with no trees, so our readings cannot separate the effect of the roofs from the effect of the missing shade. [6] On eleven afternoons the reading inside at least one Grant Avenue shelter passed 105°F, and members saw riders choose to wait in the sun beside the shelter instead. [7] Riders at these stops include many older adults traveling to the clinic on Grant Avenue and students going home from Dunmore High School.
[8] Shade sails or light-colored roof panels could lower the temperature under a shelter, and either could be installed within a single season. [9] Planting trees would probably perhaps likely help in the long run, though young trees may possibly take years to give much shade. [10] The committee's full table of readings, by shelter and by date, is attached to this memo. [11] We ask that the city add shade to the five Grant Avenue shelters before next June.
[12] The committee would be glad to help choose places for new trees and to repeat the readings next summer to check the results. [13] Members can meet with the engineering staff on any weekday afternoon in March. [14] Thank you for considering this request.
First-draft version of sentence 11: It is the committee's hope that consideration might be given by the city to the possibility of shade additions at the five shelters on Grant Avenue at some point prior to the coming summer.
Esme revised sentence 11; the first-draft version is printed below the memo. Which margin note labels the change and names the reader it serves?
- Reword: the hope becomes a direct request with a date, so the engineer knows what to do and by when.
- Reword: the hope becomes a direct request with a date, so the city council can vote on it.
- Reword: the hope becomes a direct request with a date, which makes the ending stronger.
- Move: the request now sits near the end, so the engineer reads the readings before the request.
Use this
Heat at Grant Avenue Bus Shelters (memo draft to an invented city engineer from a riders' committee): To: Ms. Farida Nasser, City Engineer, Dunmore. From: Riders' Advisory Committee. Subject: Heat at bus shelters. [1] This memo asks the city to add shade to the five bus shelters where our committee measured the highest temperatures this summer. [2] Between June 15 and August 15, committee members read a thermometer inside twelve shelters each weekday at 3 p.m.
[3] Inside the five metal-roofed shelters on Grant Avenue, the average reading was 101°F, compared with 92°F in the seven shelters that stand under trees. [4] These figures may possibly suggest that the metal roofs could perhaps be partly responsible for the difference. [5] The Grant Avenue shelters also stand on a stretch of sidewalk with no trees, so our readings cannot separate the effect of the roofs from the effect of the missing shade. [6] On eleven afternoons the reading inside at least one Grant Avenue shelter passed 105°F, and members saw riders choose to wait in the sun beside the shelter instead. [7] Riders at these stops include many older adults traveling to the clinic on Grant Avenue and students going home from Dunmore High School.
[8] Shade sails or light-colored roof panels could lower the temperature under a shelter, and either could be installed within a single season. [9] Planting trees would probably perhaps likely help in the long run, though young trees may possibly take years to give much shade. [10] The committee's full table of readings, by shelter and by date, is attached to this memo. [11] We ask that the city add shade to the five Grant Avenue shelters before next June.
[12] The committee would be glad to help choose places for new trees and to repeat the readings next summer to check the results. [13] Members can meet with the engineering staff on any weekday afternoon in March. [14] Thank you for considering this request.
Noah hears that the engineer will forward the memo to city council members, who know little about heat readings. Which plan fits them?
- 1. Add the thermometer's model and accuracy. 2. Add the hourly readings to the memo itself. 3. Keep the table attached.
- 1. Keep the request first. 2. Add one plain sentence on how the readings were taken. 3. Keep the table attached.
- 1. Move the request to the end. 2. Trim the thank-you line. 3. Keep the table attached.
- 1. Proofread the numbers. 2. Fix the heading's punctuation. 3. Then add one plain sentence on how the readings were taken.