Revise and edit a draft

Grade 8 Reading Worksheet - Challenge Me

NameDate

Circle the best answer.

  1. Read this first

    Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them.

  2. Noah wants [9] to connect paragraph 2's question about grades to the attendance records. Which revision fixes the transition without costing the letter anything?

    • Revise [9]: “Since no study has ever shown that study halls raise grades, the board has no reason to expect that they will do so.”
    • Revise [9]: “The board should therefore ask the district to publish grade data for band students and study-hall students before it votes.”
    • Cut [9] and [10], so paragraph 2 ends by noting that the question about grades remains open and the board must decide without data.
    • Revise [9]: “Grades are not the only measure of a program's value, and the records we do have point elsewhere: attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring.”
  3. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. First revision: Combine [11] and [12]: “The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program in which roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled this year.” Second revision: Replace [14] with: “The savings are real, but eliminating music would cost the district a program that students and families have chosen.”

  4. Pia compares two revisions of the letter's ending. Which statement describes them most accurately?

    • The first revision drops the enrollment figure to shorten the sentence for the board and its readers; the second revision makes the closing more definite but drops the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings.
    • The first revision turns the enrollment figure into the cost of the cut and keeps every fact; the second revision keeps the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings and adds a new fact.
    • The first revision makes the closing more definite but drops the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings; the second revision turns the enrollment figure into the cost of the cut.
    • The first revision turns the enrollment figure into the cost of the cut and keeps every fact; the second revision makes the closing more definite but drops the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings.
  5. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. A reader's comment: “The letter says the grade question remains open but then argues as if it were settled, and its last sentence says the value of the program is likely to outweigh the savings without showing how the two compare.”

  6. Ren wants a two-change plan that answers both problems in the reader's comment without hurting the letter. Which plan does that best?

    • Revise [8] so it says the grade question is open and names enrollment and attendance as the evidence the letter can offer; then cut [12], the sentence that gives the enrollment figure.
    • Revise [14] to say the program's reach, in enrollment and attendance, is what the board should weigh; then add a sentence to [5] about the trumpet section's practice schedule.
    • Add the names of the band director and the chorus teacher to [2]; then add a sentence to [5] about how many instruments the band owns.
    • Revise [8] so it says the grade question is open and names enrollment and attendance as the evidence the letter can offer; then revise [14] to say the savings are real and that the program's reach, in enrollment and attendance, is what the board should weigh against them.
  7. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them.

  8. Tala wants [4] to state the contrast with study halls more precisely. Which revision fixes it without costing the letter anything?

    • Revise [4]: “Music class, however, develops a skill that study halls are not designed to teach: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part.”
    • Revise [4]: “Music class, however, deserves funding more than any study hall, because it teaches students to listen to others.”
    • Revise [4]: “Music class, however, develops a skill that research shows raises students' test scores in many subjects: the habit of listening to others while they perform.”
    • Revise [4] and cut [5], so the letter states the skill and moves quickly on to the board's budget concerns in [7].
  9. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. First revision: Cut [10]. Second revision: Revise [10]: “A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, which matters when a board weighs what a program is worth.”

  10. Zee compares two revisions of paragraph 2. Which statement describes them most accurately?

    • The first revision moves the claim about community ties to paragraph 3; the second revision keeps that claim and ties it to the board's decision.
    • The first revision keeps paragraph 2 on the grade question but removes the only claim about community ties; the second revision removes that claim and adds a new fact about attendance.
    • The first revision keeps paragraph 2 on the grade question but removes the only claim about community ties; the second revision keeps that claim and ties it to the board's decision.
    • The first revision keeps that claim and ties it to the board's decision; the second revision keeps paragraph 2 on the grade question but removes the only claim about community ties.
  11. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. A reader's comment: “The attendance figure answers a different question from the one the paragraph raises, and the reader never learns how many students band and chorus reach.”

  12. Ari wants a two-change plan that answers both problems in the reader's comment without hurting the letter. Which plan does that best?

    • Revise [9] to present the attendance figure as evidence of public support rather than of grades; then cut [10], the sentence about the school's ties to the community, to local families and to local businesses.
    • Revise [9] to present the attendance figure as evidence of public support rather than of grades; then move [12], the enrollment figure, to follow [9], so paragraph 2 states the program's reach.
    • Move [12], the enrollment figure, to follow [9]; then add a sentence to [5] about the rehearsal schedule of the trumpet section.
    • Add the date of the spring concert to [9]; then add the name of the band director to [12], so readers know who leads the program.
  13. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers.

  14. Bo wants [6] to connect New York's rise to the cost savings in [2] and [3]. Which revision fixes the link without costing the draft anything?

    • Revise [6]: “Because shipping by canal cost so much less, New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks.”
    • Revise [6]: “Because the canal was cheap, farmers in the interior shipped most of their grain to New York, and the other Atlantic ports lost most of their trade.”
    • Cut [2] and [3], so the draft moves from the engineering of the canal directly to New York City's rise as the nation's busiest port.
    • Revise [6]: “New York City's leaders deserve the credit for the canal, which made their city the nation's busiest port within a few years.”
  15. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers. A reader's comment: “The draft explains the locks but never says why they mattered to the freight prices, and the final sentence does not connect today's cyclists to the canal's working past.”

  16. Jun wants a two-change plan that answers both problems in the reader's comment without hurting the draft. Which plan does that best?

    • Add a sentence after [5] connecting the locks and aqueducts to the lower cost of moving freight; then move [2] and [3], the freight prices, to follow [13].
    • Revise [13] to link the towpaths' present use to the canal's working past; then add a sentence to [7] about the flour mills of Rochester and their owners.
    • Add the name of the governor who backed the canal to [1]; then add the canal's width and depth to [4], so readers can picture the channel more clearly.
    • Add a sentence after [5] connecting the locks to the lower cost of moving freight; then revise [13] to link the towpaths' present use to the canal's working past.
  17. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers.

  18. Kira wants [4] to follow from the cost savings in [3]. Which revision fixes the jump without costing the draft anything?

    • Revise [4]: “New Yorkers should remember that the engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo.”
    • Revise [4]: “Making that possible was a difficult feat of engineering, because the land rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo.”
    • Cut [4] and keep [5], so the locks are described without mentioning the height that they had to overcome.
    • Revise [4]: “Because the land rose nearly 570 feet, the canal cost more than any project that the nation had yet attempted anywhere in its short history.”
  19. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers. First revision: Cut [13]. Second revision: Revise [13]: “Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers, a sign that the canal's working life has ended.”

  20. Luz compares two revisions of the draft's ending. Which statement describes them most accurately?

    • The first revision keeps the closing image and states what it shows; the second revision ends the draft on the canal's last working chapter.
    • The first revision ends the draft on the canal's last working chapter; the second revision keeps the closing image and states what it shows.
    • The first revision ends the draft on the canal's last working chapter; the second revision keeps the closing image and adds a new fact about the canal's route.
    • The first revision moves the closing image to the start of paragraph 3; the second revision keeps the image and states what it shows.
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Answer Key - Grade 8 Reading Worksheet - Challenge Me

Circle the best answer.

  1. Read this first

    Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them.

  2. Noah wants [9] to connect paragraph 2's question about grades to the attendance records. Which revision fixes the transition without costing the letter anything?

    • Revise [9]: “Since no study has ever shown that study halls raise grades, the board has no reason to expect that they will do so.”
    • Revise [9]: “The board should therefore ask the district to publish grade data for band students and study-hall students before it votes.”
    • Cut [9] and [10], so paragraph 2 ends by noting that the question about grades remains open and the board must decide without data.
    • Revise [9]: “Grades are not the only measure of a program's value, and the records we do have point elsewhere: attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring.”
  3. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. First revision: Combine [11] and [12]: “The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program in which roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled this year.” Second revision: Replace [14] with: “The savings are real, but eliminating music would cost the district a program that students and families have chosen.”

  4. Pia compares two revisions of the letter's ending. Which statement describes them most accurately?

    • The first revision drops the enrollment figure to shorten the sentence for the board and its readers; the second revision makes the closing more definite but drops the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings.
    • The first revision turns the enrollment figure into the cost of the cut and keeps every fact; the second revision keeps the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings and adds a new fact.
    • The first revision makes the closing more definite but drops the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings; the second revision turns the enrollment figure into the cost of the cut.
    • The first revision turns the enrollment figure into the cost of the cut and keeps every fact; the second revision makes the closing more definite but drops the claim that the value is likely to outweigh the savings.
  5. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. A reader's comment: “The letter says the grade question remains open but then argues as if it were settled, and its last sentence says the value of the program is likely to outweigh the savings without showing how the two compare.”

  6. Ren wants a two-change plan that answers both problems in the reader's comment without hurting the letter. Which plan does that best?

    • Revise [8] so it says the grade question is open and names enrollment and attendance as the evidence the letter can offer; then cut [12], the sentence that gives the enrollment figure.
    • Revise [14] to say the program's reach, in enrollment and attendance, is what the board should weigh; then add a sentence to [5] about the trumpet section's practice schedule.
    • Add the names of the band director and the chorus teacher to [2]; then add a sentence to [5] about how many instruments the band owns.
    • Revise [8] so it says the grade question is open and names enrollment and attendance as the evidence the letter can offer; then revise [14] to say the savings are real and that the program's reach, in enrollment and attendance, is what the board should weigh against them.
  7. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them.

  8. Tala wants [4] to state the contrast with study halls more precisely. Which revision fixes it without costing the letter anything?

    • Revise [4]: “Music class, however, develops a skill that study halls are not designed to teach: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part.”
    • Revise [4]: “Music class, however, deserves funding more than any study hall, because it teaches students to listen to others.”
    • Revise [4]: “Music class, however, develops a skill that research shows raises students' test scores in many subjects: the habit of listening to others while they perform.”
    • Revise [4] and cut [5], so the letter states the skill and moves quickly on to the board's budget concerns in [7].
  9. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. First revision: Cut [10]. Second revision: Revise [10]: “A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, which matters when a board weighs what a program is worth.”

  10. Zee compares two revisions of paragraph 2. Which statement describes them most accurately?

    • The first revision moves the claim about community ties to paragraph 3; the second revision keeps that claim and ties it to the board's decision.
    • The first revision keeps paragraph 2 on the grade question but removes the only claim about community ties; the second revision removes that claim and adds a new fact about attendance.
    • The first revision keeps paragraph 2 on the grade question but removes the only claim about community ties; the second revision keeps that claim and ties it to the board's decision.
    • The first revision keeps that claim and ties it to the board's decision; the second revision keeps paragraph 2 on the grade question but removes the only claim about community ties.
  11. Keep Music in the Budget (letter to the school board) (student draft: opinion letter)

    [1] I am writing to ask the school board to keep music instruction in our middle schools. [2] The budget proposal would replace it with study halls in order to save the salary of one teacher. [3] Study halls serve a genuine need, and I do not dispute that students sometimes lack a quiet hour in which to finish their homework. [4] Music class, however, develops a skill that no study hall can supply: the habit of listening to others while performing one's own part. [5] A trumpet player in our band, for example, cannot stay on the beat without hearing the clarinets, whose entrances cue the rest of the section. [6] That same awareness is useful in science labs, on sports teams, and in any group working toward a shared goal.

    [7] Board members may reasonably wonder whether study halls would raise grades more directly. [8] The district has not published data comparing the grades of band students with those of students in study halls, so the question remains open. [9] What the records do show is that attendance at our concerts has grown each year since the program was restored, reaching about two hundred family members last spring. [10] A program that draws that many families also strengthens the school's ties to the community, a benefit that appears on no budget line.

    [11] The district would save one salary by eliminating music, but it would also lose a program that enrolls students who might not otherwise take an elective. [12] Roughly one hundred and forty students, nearly a third of the grade, are enrolled in band and chorus this year. [13] I urge the board to keep music in the budget. [14] The savings are real, yet the value of the program to students and families is likely to outweigh them. A reader's comment: “The attendance figure answers a different question from the one the paragraph raises, and the reader never learns how many students band and chorus reach.”

  12. Ari wants a two-change plan that answers both problems in the reader's comment without hurting the letter. Which plan does that best?

    • Revise [9] to present the attendance figure as evidence of public support rather than of grades; then cut [10], the sentence about the school's ties to the community, to local families and to local businesses.
    • Revise [9] to present the attendance figure as evidence of public support rather than of grades; then move [12], the enrollment figure, to follow [9], so paragraph 2 states the program's reach.
    • Move [12], the enrollment figure, to follow [9]; then add a sentence to [5] about the rehearsal schedule of the trumpet section.
    • Add the date of the spring concert to [9]; then add the name of the band director to [12], so readers know who leads the program.
  13. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers.

  14. Bo wants [6] to connect New York's rise to the cost savings in [2] and [3]. Which revision fixes the link without costing the draft anything?

    • Revise [6]: “Because shipping by canal cost so much less, New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks.”
    • Revise [6]: “Because the canal was cheap, farmers in the interior shipped most of their grain to New York, and the other Atlantic ports lost most of their trade.”
    • Cut [2] and [3], so the draft moves from the engineering of the canal directly to New York City's rise as the nation's busiest port.
    • Revise [6]: “New York City's leaders deserve the credit for the canal, which made their city the nation's busiest port within a few years.”
  15. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers. A reader's comment: “The draft explains the locks but never says why they mattered to the freight prices, and the final sentence does not connect today's cyclists to the canal's working past.”

  16. Jun wants a two-change plan that answers both problems in the reader's comment without hurting the draft. Which plan does that best?

    • Add a sentence after [5] connecting the locks and aqueducts to the lower cost of moving freight; then move [2] and [3], the freight prices, to follow [13].
    • Revise [13] to link the towpaths' present use to the canal's working past; then add a sentence to [7] about the flour mills of Rochester and their owners.
    • Add the name of the governor who backed the canal to [1]; then add the canal's width and depth to [4], so readers can picture the channel more clearly.
    • Add a sentence after [5] connecting the locks to the lower cost of moving freight; then revise [13] to link the towpaths' present use to the canal's working past.
  17. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers.

  18. Kira wants [4] to follow from the cost savings in [3]. Which revision fixes the jump without costing the draft anything?

    • Revise [4]: “New Yorkers should remember that the engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo.”
    • Revise [4]: “Making that possible was a difficult feat of engineering, because the land rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo.”
    • Cut [4] and keep [5], so the locks are described without mentioning the height that they had to overcome.
    • Revise [4]: “Because the land rose nearly 570 feet, the canal cost more than any project that the nation had yet attempted anywhere in its short history.”
  19. How the Erie Canal Changed the Nation (student draft: informative)

    [1] When the Erie Canal opened in 1825, it linked the Hudson River at Albany with Lake Erie at Buffalo, creating a continuous water route between the Atlantic coast and the Great Lakes. [2] Before its construction, moving a ton of freight overland between the two regions cost roughly one hundred dollars and took about two weeks. [3] Once the canal was open, the same ton could travel for roughly one tenth of that price. [4] The canal's engineers faced a landscape that rose nearly 570 feet between Albany and Buffalo. [5] They solved the problem with eighty-three locks, chambers that raise or lower boats by filling or draining water, and with aqueducts that carried the canal over rivers such as the Mohawk.

    [6] New York City, which had been one of several competing Atlantic ports, became the nation's busiest port within a few years, as grain and lumber from the interior flowed through Albany toward its docks. [7] Towns along the route, including Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo, grew from small settlements into cities. [8] The canal also changed who lived in those towns. [9] Thousands of Irish immigrants dug much of the channel by hand for low wages, and many settled along the route when construction ended.

    [10] The canal's dominance did not last. [11] Railroads, which could run through the winter when the canal froze, began to carry most freight by the 1850s. [12] Even so, the canal was enlarged in the 1830s and replaced by the larger Barge Canal in 1918. [13] Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers. First revision: Cut [13]. Second revision: Revise [13]: “Today its towpaths serve cyclists more often than mule drivers, a sign that the canal's working life has ended.”

  20. Luz compares two revisions of the draft's ending. Which statement describes them most accurately?

    • The first revision keeps the closing image and states what it shows; the second revision ends the draft on the canal's last working chapter.
    • The first revision ends the draft on the canal's last working chapter; the second revision keeps the closing image and states what it shows.
    • The first revision ends the draft on the canal's last working chapter; the second revision keeps the closing image and adds a new fact about the canal's route.
    • The first revision moves the closing image to the start of paragraph 3; the second revision keeps the image and states what it shows.