Revise and edit a draft

Grade 8 Reading Worksheet

Circle the best answer.

1. Read this first

   Honeybees and the Food Supply (student draft: informative)

   [1] Honeybees visit flowers to collect nectar and pollen, and in the process they carry pollen from one blossom to the next, which lets many plants produce seeds and fruit. [2] Scientists call this transfer pollination. [3] They estimate that about three quarters of the world's leading food crops depend at least in part on animal pollinators. [4] Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the most valuable, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening.

   [5] Almond orchards in California show how much farmers rely on that mobility. [6] Almond trees bloom in February, before most native insects are active, and most varieties need pollen from a different variety to set a good crop. [7] Each winter, growers rent well over a million hives, which are trucked in from across the country.

   [8] A hive's workforce changes with the seasons. [9] In summer a colony may hold fifty thousand bees, nearly all of them female workers that gather nectar, tend larvae, and guard the entrance. [10] In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, the most important member of the colony, and eat stored honey for heat.

   [11] Colony losses complicate the picture. [12] Beekeepers in the United States have reported losing 30 to 40 percent of their colonies in recent years. [13] The causes include a mite called Varroa, disease, and poor nutrition. [14] Because farmers buy pollination by the colony, those losses raise costs for growers.

2. 1.

   Jun wants to improve the logical progression of paragraphs 2 and 3 while keeping the draft's informative purpose. Which revision does that best?

   • Cut [7], the rental figure, so paragraph 2 ends on the almond bloom and paragraph 3 begins on the seasons.
   • Move [6], the sentence on the February bloom, to the start of paragraph 3, so the seasonal details sit together.
   • Add a sentence after [7] explaining that growers bring in hives in winter, while colonies are still small, so [8] leads into the changing workforce.
   • Combine paragraphs 2 and 3 into one paragraph about hive size, since the number of bees in a hive explains how many hives growers need each season or year.
3. 2.

   Kira wants specific support for the claim in [5] that farmers rely on mobility. Which sentence added after [7] develops it best while keeping the draft informative?

   • Growers typically place about two hives on every acre of almond trees, which helps explain the size of the demand.
   • A single hive of honeybees can contain tens of thousands of workers in the middle of summer.
   • Without enough hives, almond growers would face serious problems getting their trees to produce a good crop.
   • Almond growers should reserve their hives early each year, because rental prices tend to rise as the bloom approaches.
4. 3.

   Luz wants [10] to stay focused on how the colony survives the winter. Which revision of [10] does that best?

   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen and eat stored honey for heat.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, whom beekeepers should replace each year.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, the member that matters most to its survival, and eat stored honey for heat.
5. 4.

   Milo wants to improve how paragraph 3 leads into paragraph 4 while keeping the draft's informative purpose. Which revision does that best?

   • Add a sentence after [10] explaining that a small winter cluster has little margin, so a mite outbreak or poor food can quickly destroy it.
   • Move paragraph 3 to the end of the draft, so the seasonal workforce follows the account of colony losses and of the rising costs that growers face.
   • Combine paragraphs 3 and 4 into one paragraph about Varroa mites, the cause that beekeepers fear most.
   • Cut [9], the summer population, so paragraph 3 focuses on winter alone and moves quickly to the losses.
6. 5.

   Pia wants the claim in [4] to match the reason it gives. Which revision of [4] does that best?

   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the most useful, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening each spring.
   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the easiest to manage, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening.
   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the best choice, so farmers should rent hives instead of waiting for wild bees.
   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the easiest to manage, which is why farmers depend on them.

7. The Canoe in the Rafters (student draft: personal narrative)

   [1] The canoe had hung from the rafters of my grandfather's garage for as long as I could remember, its green canvas hull cracked and peeling like old paint on a barn door. [2] When he announced in April that we would restore it before summer, I assumed the project would take a weekend, a mistake he did not bother to correct. [3] We began by stripping the canvas, scraping away the brittle layers with metal scrapers until the wooden ribs showed through like the frame of a sleeping animal.

   [4] Over the following weeks, he taught me to steam a cracked rib until it softened, bend it back into shape, and clamp it overnight. [5] Most evenings I left sore and covered in sawdust. [6] On the Thursday before Memorial Day, we stretched new canvas across the frame and tacked it down. [7] My grandfather, who rarely praised anything and was therefore the hardest critic I have ever known, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.

   [8] The filler and the first coat of paint had to go on while the canvas was still damp, so we worked in a rush, and I smeared a stripe of green across the garage floor. [9] When the paint had dried, we carried the canoe to the lake, where a light wind was ruffling the water. [10] It floated higher than I had expected. [11] As I paddled out from the dock, I realized that the weekend project had become the only summer job I had ever wanted to finish. [12] Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and I understood that effort is always worth it when it is shared with someone you love.

8. 6.

   Tala wants to develop [10] with a concrete detail that keeps the narrative voice. Which sentence added after [10] does that best?

   • The hull sat so lightly that the water barely darkened the canvas along its waterline, and the bow lifted with each stroke.
   • It was a thrilling moment, and I felt proud of everything that my grandfather and I had done.
   • Canvas canoes float because the hull displaces a weight of water equal to the weight of the boat and everything inside it, as Archimedes' principle explains.
   • The lake lies about a mile from my grandfather's house and is popular with fishing families.
9. 7.

   Zee wants [12] to close the story inside the narrator's own scene. Which revision of [12] does that best?

   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded.
   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, a reminder that anyone restoring a canoe should begin in April, as we did.
   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and for the first time that summer I saw him smile.
   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and I understood that effort is more satisfying when it is shared with someone you respect.
10. 8.

    Ari wants to improve how paragraph 2 moves from the weeks of repair to the Thursday in [6] while keeping the personal narrative. Which revision does that best?

    • Move [5], the sentence about sore evenings, to the end of paragraph 3, so the exhaustion comes after the launch.
    • Cut [4], the steaming and bending of the ribs, so the paragraph moves quickly from the stripped hull to the new canvas stretched across the frame.
    • Replace paragraph 2 with one sentence listing the repairs, so the story covers the whole restoration at once.
    • Add a sentence after [5] showing the narrator's growing skill by mid-May, so the jump to the Thursday in [6] follows from weeks of work.
11. 9.

    Bo wants to develop [5] with a detail that keeps the narrative voice. Which sentence added after [5] does that best?

    • It was hard work, but I learned many new things from my grandfather over those long spring weeks of repairs and sawdust.
    • I learned to read the grain of each rib, and the first one that I bent without splitting felt like a small victory.
    • Bending ribs without splitting them takes practice, so beginners should start with scraps of wood.
    • My grandfather had worked as a carpenter for most of his life and kept his tools in perfect order.
12. 10.

    Esme wants [7] to show the grandfather's reaction in the narrator's voice. Which revision of [7] does that best?

    • My grandfather ran his palm along the seam.
    • My grandfather, who rarely praised anything and held me to a higher standard than anyone else, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.
    • My grandfather, who rarely praised anything, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.
    • My grandfather ran his palm along the seam and nodded once, as a good teacher should.