Revise and edit a draft

Grade 8 Reading Worksheet

Circle the best answer.

1. Read this first

   Honeybees and the Food Supply (student draft: informative)

   [1] Honeybees visit flowers to collect nectar and pollen, and in the process they carry pollen from one blossom to the next, which lets many plants produce seeds and fruit. [2] Scientists call this transfer pollination. [3] They estimate that about three quarters of the world's leading food crops depend at least in part on animal pollinators. [4] Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the most valuable, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening.

   [5] Almond orchards in California show how much farmers rely on that mobility. [6] Almond trees bloom in February, before most native insects are active, and most varieties need pollen from a different variety to set a good crop. [7] Each winter, growers rent well over a million hives, which are trucked in from across the country.

   [8] A hive's workforce changes with the seasons. [9] In summer a colony may hold fifty thousand bees, nearly all of them female workers that gather nectar, tend larvae, and guard the entrance. [10] In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, the most important member of the colony, and eat stored honey for heat.

   [11] Colony losses complicate the picture. [12] Beekeepers in the United States have reported losing 30 to 40 percent of their colonies in recent years. [13] The causes include a mite called Varroa, disease, and poor nutrition. [14] Because farmers buy pollination by the colony, those losses raise costs for growers.

2. 1.

   Jun wants to improve the logical progression of paragraphs 2 and 3 while keeping the draft's informative purpose. Which revision does that best?

   • Cut [7], the rental figure, so paragraph 2 ends on the almond bloom and paragraph 3 begins on the seasons.
   • Move [6], the sentence on the February bloom, to the start of paragraph 3, so the seasonal details sit together.
   • Add a sentence after [7] explaining that growers bring in hives in winter, while colonies are still small, so [8] leads into the changing workforce.
   • Combine paragraphs 2 and 3 into one paragraph about hive size, since the number of bees in a hive explains how many hives growers need each season or year.
3. 2.

   Kira wants specific support for the claim in [5] that farmers rely on mobility. Which sentence added after [7] develops it best while keeping the draft informative?

   • Growers typically place about two hives on every acre of almond trees, which helps explain the size of the demand.
   • A single hive of honeybees can contain tens of thousands of workers in the middle of summer.
   • Without enough hives, almond growers would face serious problems getting their trees to produce a good crop.
   • Almond growers should reserve their hives early each year, because rental prices tend to rise as the bloom approaches.
4. 3.

   Luz wants [10] to stay focused on how the colony survives the winter. Which revision of [10] does that best?

   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, whom beekeepers should replace each year.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen and eat stored honey for heat.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, the member that matters most to its survival, and eat stored honey for heat.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen.
5. 4.

   Milo wants to improve how paragraph 3 leads into paragraph 4 while keeping the draft's informative purpose. Which revision does that best?

   • Move paragraph 3 to the end of the draft, so the seasonal workforce follows the account of colony losses and of the rising costs that growers face.
   • Add a sentence after [10] explaining that a small winter cluster has little margin, so a mite outbreak or poor food can quickly destroy it.
   • Combine paragraphs 3 and 4 into one paragraph about Varroa mites, the cause that beekeepers fear most.
   • Cut [9], the summer population, so paragraph 3 focuses on winter alone and moves quickly to the losses.
6. 5.

   Noah wants specific support for the claim in [14]. Which sentence added after [14] develops it best while keeping the draft informative?

   • Varroa mites feed on the body fat of adult bees and developing larvae, which weakens the whole colony.
   • Growers should therefore support research into breeding bees that resist mites and other threats to colonies.
   • Rental fees for almond pollination rose sharply in the 2000s as colony shortages tightened.
   • Those higher costs can create real difficulties for many farms that depend on rented colonies each year.
7. 6.

   Pia wants the claim in [4] to match the reason it gives. Which revision of [4] does that best?

   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the best choice, so farmers should rent hives instead of waiting for wild bees.
   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the easiest to manage, which is why farmers depend on them.
   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the most useful, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening each spring.
   • Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the easiest to manage, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening.

8. The Canoe in the Rafters (student draft: personal narrative)

   [1] The canoe had hung from the rafters of my grandfather's garage for as long as I could remember, its green canvas hull cracked and peeling like old paint on a barn door. [2] When he announced in April that we would restore it before summer, I assumed the project would take a weekend, a mistake he did not bother to correct. [3] We began by stripping the canvas, scraping away the brittle layers with metal scrapers until the wooden ribs showed through like the frame of a sleeping animal.

   [4] Over the following weeks, he taught me to steam a cracked rib until it softened, bend it back into shape, and clamp it overnight. [5] Most evenings I left sore and covered in sawdust. [6] On the Thursday before Memorial Day, we stretched new canvas across the frame and tacked it down. [7] My grandfather, who rarely praised anything and was therefore the hardest critic I have ever known, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.

   [8] The filler and the first coat of paint had to go on while the canvas was still damp, so we worked in a rush, and I smeared a stripe of green across the garage floor. [9] When the paint had dried, we carried the canoe to the lake, where a light wind was ruffling the water. [10] It floated higher than I had expected. [11] As I paddled out from the dock, I realized that the weekend project had become the only summer job I had ever wanted to finish. [12] Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and I understood that effort is always worth it when it is shared with someone you love.

9. 7.

   Ren wants to improve the order of events in paragraphs 2 and 3 while keeping the personal narrative. Which revision does that best?

   • Combine paragraphs 2 and 3 into one summary sentence about the weeks of repair, so the story reaches the lake much sooner for the reader.
   • Move [7], the grandfather's nod, to follow [9], so his approval comes after the filler and paint and just before the launch.
   • Move [8], the filler and the paint, to follow [3], so the canoe is painted before its ribs are repaired.
   • Cut [8], so the story moves from the new canvas directly to carrying the canoe to the lake.
10. 8.

    Tala wants to develop [10] with a concrete detail that keeps the narrative voice. Which sentence added after [10] does that best?

    • Canvas canoes float because the hull displaces a weight of water equal to the weight of the boat and everything inside it, as Archimedes' principle explains.
    • It was a thrilling moment, and I felt proud of everything that my grandfather and I had done.
    • The hull sat so lightly that the water barely darkened the canvas along its waterline, and the bow lifted with each stroke.
    • The lake lies about a mile from my grandfather's house and is popular with fishing families.
11. 9.

    Zee wants [12] to close the story inside the narrator's own scene. Which revision of [12] does that best?

    • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded.
    • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, a reminder that anyone restoring a canoe should begin in April, as we did.
    • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and for the first time that summer I saw him smile.
    • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and I understood that effort is more satisfying when it is shared with someone you respect.
12. 10.

    Ari wants to improve how paragraph 2 moves from the weeks of repair to the Thursday in [6] while keeping the personal narrative. Which revision does that best?

    • Replace paragraph 2 with one sentence listing the repairs, so the story covers the whole restoration at once.
    • Move [5], the sentence about sore evenings, to the end of paragraph 3, so the exhaustion comes after the launch.
    • Cut [4], the steaming and bending of the ribs, so the paragraph moves quickly from the stripped hull to the new canvas stretched across the frame.
    • Add a sentence after [5] showing the narrator's growing skill by mid-May, so the jump to the Thursday in [6] follows from weeks of work.