Revise and edit a draft

Grade 8 Reading Worksheet

Circle the best answer.

1. Read this first

   Honeybees and the Food Supply (student draft: informative)

   [1] Honeybees visit flowers to collect nectar and pollen, and in the process they carry pollen from one blossom to the next, which lets many plants produce seeds and fruit. [2] Scientists call this transfer pollination. [3] They estimate that about three quarters of the world's leading food crops depend at least in part on animal pollinators. [4] Honeybees are not the only pollinators, but they are the most valuable, because a beekeeper can move a hive to wherever the blossoms are opening.

   [5] Almond orchards in California show how much farmers rely on that mobility. [6] Almond trees bloom in February, before most native insects are active, and most varieties need pollen from a different variety to set a good crop. [7] Each winter, growers rent well over a million hives, which are trucked in from across the country.

   [8] A hive's workforce changes with the seasons. [9] In summer a colony may hold fifty thousand bees, nearly all of them female workers that gather nectar, tend larvae, and guard the entrance. [10] In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, the most important member of the colony, and eat stored honey for heat.

   [11] Colony losses complicate the picture. [12] Beekeepers in the United States have reported losing 30 to 40 percent of their colonies in recent years. [13] The causes include a mite called Varroa, disease, and poor nutrition. [14] Because farmers buy pollination by the colony, those losses raise costs for growers.

2. 1.

   Jun wants to improve the logical progression of paragraphs 2 and 3 while keeping the draft's informative purpose. Which revision does that best?

   • Combine paragraphs 2 and 3 into one paragraph about hive size, since the number of bees in a hive explains how many hives growers need each season or year.
   • Add a sentence after [7] explaining that growers bring in hives in winter, while colonies are still small, so [8] leads into the changing workforce.
   • Move [6], the sentence on the February bloom, to the start of paragraph 3, so the seasonal details sit together.
   • Cut [7], the rental figure, so paragraph 2 ends on the almond bloom and paragraph 3 begins on the seasons.
3. 2.

   Kira wants specific support for the claim in [5] that farmers rely on mobility. Which sentence added after [7] develops it best while keeping the draft informative?

   • Growers typically place about two hives on every acre of almond trees, which helps explain the size of the demand.
   • Without enough hives, almond growers would face serious problems getting their trees to produce a good crop.
   • A single hive of honeybees can contain tens of thousands of workers in the middle of summer.
   • Almond growers should reserve their hives early each year, because rental prices tend to rise as the bloom approaches.
4. 3.

   Luz wants [10] to stay focused on how the colony survives the winter. Which revision of [10] does that best?

   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, whom beekeepers should replace each year.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen, the member that matters most to its survival, and eat stored honey for heat.
   • In winter the colony shrinks to a cluster of perhaps ten thousand bees that huddle around the queen and eat stored honey for heat.
5. 4.

   Milo wants to improve how paragraph 3 leads into paragraph 4 while keeping the draft's informative purpose. Which revision does that best?

   • Combine paragraphs 3 and 4 into one paragraph about Varroa mites, the cause that beekeepers fear most.
   • Cut [9], the summer population, so paragraph 3 focuses on winter alone and moves quickly to the losses.
   • Add a sentence after [10] explaining that a small winter cluster has little margin, so a mite outbreak or poor food can quickly destroy it.
   • Move paragraph 3 to the end of the draft, so the seasonal workforce follows the account of colony losses and of the rising costs that growers face.
6. 5.

   Noah wants specific support for the claim in [14]. Which sentence added after [14] develops it best while keeping the draft informative?

   • Varroa mites feed on the body fat of adult bees and developing larvae, which weakens the whole colony.
   • Growers should therefore support research into breeding bees that resist mites and other threats to colonies.
   • Rental fees for almond pollination rose sharply in the 2000s as colony shortages tightened.
   • Those higher costs can create real difficulties for many farms that depend on rented colonies each year.

7. The Canoe in the Rafters (student draft: personal narrative)

   [1] The canoe had hung from the rafters of my grandfather's garage for as long as I could remember, its green canvas hull cracked and peeling like old paint on a barn door. [2] When he announced in April that we would restore it before summer, I assumed the project would take a weekend, a mistake he did not bother to correct. [3] We began by stripping the canvas, scraping away the brittle layers with metal scrapers until the wooden ribs showed through like the frame of a sleeping animal.

   [4] Over the following weeks, he taught me to steam a cracked rib until it softened, bend it back into shape, and clamp it overnight. [5] Most evenings I left sore and covered in sawdust. [6] On the Thursday before Memorial Day, we stretched new canvas across the frame and tacked it down. [7] My grandfather, who rarely praised anything and was therefore the hardest critic I have ever known, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.

   [8] The filler and the first coat of paint had to go on while the canvas was still damp, so we worked in a rush, and I smeared a stripe of green across the garage floor. [9] When the paint had dried, we carried the canoe to the lake, where a light wind was ruffling the water. [10] It floated higher than I had expected. [11] As I paddled out from the dock, I realized that the weekend project had become the only summer job I had ever wanted to finish. [12] Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and I understood that effort is always worth it when it is shared with someone you love.

8. 6.

   Ren wants to improve the order of events in paragraphs 2 and 3 while keeping the personal narrative. Which revision does that best?

   • Combine paragraphs 2 and 3 into one summary sentence about the weeks of repair, so the story reaches the lake much sooner for the reader.
   • Move [8], the filler and the paint, to follow [3], so the canoe is painted before its ribs are repaired.
   • Cut [8], so the story moves from the new canvas directly to carrying the canoe to the lake.
   • Move [7], the grandfather's nod, to follow [9], so his approval comes after the filler and paint and just before the launch.
9. 7.

   Zee wants [12] to close the story inside the narrator's own scene. Which revision of [12] does that best?

   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded.
   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, a reminder that anyone restoring a canoe should begin in April, as we did.
   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and I understood that effort is more satisfying when it is shared with someone you respect.
   • Behind me, my grandfather stood on the shore with his arms folded, and for the first time that summer I saw him smile.
10. 8.

    Ari wants to improve how paragraph 2 moves from the weeks of repair to the Thursday in [6] while keeping the personal narrative. Which revision does that best?

    • Replace paragraph 2 with one sentence listing the repairs, so the story covers the whole restoration at once.
    • Move [5], the sentence about sore evenings, to the end of paragraph 3, so the exhaustion comes after the launch.
    • Add a sentence after [5] showing the narrator's growing skill by mid-May, so the jump to the Thursday in [6] follows from weeks of work.
    • Cut [4], the steaming and bending of the ribs, so the paragraph moves quickly from the stripped hull to the new canvas stretched across the frame.
11. 9.

    Bo wants to develop [5] with a detail that keeps the narrative voice. Which sentence added after [5] does that best?

    • My grandfather had worked as a carpenter for most of his life and kept his tools in perfect order.
    • Bending ribs without splitting them takes practice, so beginners should start with scraps of wood.
    • I learned to read the grain of each rib, and the first one that I bent without splitting felt like a small victory.
    • It was hard work, but I learned many new things from my grandfather over those long spring weeks of repairs and sawdust.
12. 10.

    Esme wants [7] to show the grandfather's reaction in the narrator's voice. Which revision of [7] does that best?

    • My grandfather ran his palm along the seam.
    • My grandfather, who rarely praised anything and held me to a higher standard than anyone else, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.
    • My grandfather ran his palm along the seam and nodded once, as a good teacher should.
    • My grandfather, who rarely praised anything, ran his palm along the seam and nodded once.