Formal and objective: matching the writing to the reader
Grade 9 Reading Worksheet - Challenge Me
Circle the best answer.
Read this first
Report on Our Visit to the Riverbend Museum (student draft: field trip report for the class website)
[1] On October 9, our history class visited the Riverbend Museum, which holds the county's collection of tools, maps and photographs from the 1800s and is housed in the old railroad depot on Water Street. [2] Mr. Caldwell, the museum's curator, met us at the entrance and explained that the collection has about 4,000 objects. [3] The first gallery covers farming, and it includes plows, seed drills and a restored threshing machine. [4] The farm gallery didn't exactly blow us away, but it's worth a quick look if you're into old machines.
[5] The second gallery displays maps of the county from 1820 to 1900, along with the surveying tools that were used to draw them. [6] The labels beside the maps are pathetic: they are printed in small gray type and name no dates. [7] Mr. Caldwell told us that the museum has no money to reprint them this year. [8] Honestly, the photograph room was the coolest part, and the staff there were super helpful.
[9] Visitors may borrow a magnifying glass at the desk, which is a lifesaver for reading the captions on the oldest prints. [10] Any class that skips this awesome place is seriously missing out, so teachers better book it. [11] School tours are free and last about seventy minutes, but they must be booked two weeks ahead, which is a total pain. [12] We recommend that teachers call the museum office at least a month before the visit.
The writer's revision of sentence [8]
Before: Honestly, the photograph room was the coolest part, and the staff there were super helpful.
After: The photograph room held the oldest prints, and the staff there answered our questions.The writer revised sentence [8]. Which margin note would Bo write to label both versions and say what the change does for readers?
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal and objective. Readers now learn what the room held and what the staff did.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal but loaded. Readers now learn what the room held and what the staff did.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal and objective. Readers now learn that the photograph room was the most impressive part of the museum.
- Before: formal but loaded. After: formal and objective. Readers now learn what the room held and what the staff did.
Report on Our Visit to the Riverbend Museum (student draft: field trip report for the class website)
[1] On October 9, our history class visited the Riverbend Museum, which holds the county's collection of tools, maps and photographs from the 1800s and is housed in the old railroad depot on Water Street. [2] Mr. Caldwell, the museum's curator, met us at the entrance and explained that the collection has about 4,000 objects. [3] The first gallery covers farming, and it includes plows, seed drills and a restored threshing machine. [4] The farm gallery didn't exactly blow us away, but it's worth a quick look if you're into old machines.
[5] The second gallery displays maps of the county from 1820 to 1900, along with the surveying tools that were used to draw them. [6] The labels beside the maps are pathetic: they are printed in small gray type and name no dates. [7] Mr. Caldwell told us that the museum has no money to reprint them this year. [8] Honestly, the photograph room was the coolest part, and the staff there were super helpful.
[9] Visitors may borrow a magnifying glass at the desk, which is a lifesaver for reading the captions on the oldest prints. [10] Any class that skips this awesome place is seriously missing out, so teachers better book it. [11] School tours are free and last about seventy minutes, but they must be booked two weeks ahead, which is a total pain. [12] We recommend that teachers call the museum office at least a month before the visit.
Sentence [10] is chatty and loaded, but it makes a real recommendation. Which revision would Esme use to keep that side in formal, objective words?
- Some teachers may wish to book this visit, while others may prefer to plan a different trip.
- Teachers should consider booking this visit, because the tour is free and visitors may borrow a magnifying glass to read the oldest captions.
- It is hereby recommended that educators of subsequent cohorts undertake this excursion, inasmuch as the tour is gratis and affords access to a magnifying instrument.
- Teachers should book this awesome visit, because the tour is free and visitors may borrow a magnifying glass.
Jun fixes the style slips in sentences [9] and [11] of the report. Which pair of revisions fixes both and keeps every fact?
- [9] Visitors may borrow a magnifying glass at the desk, which lets them read any caption in the museum. [11] School tours are free and last about seventy minutes, but they must be booked three weeks ahead.
- [9] Visitors may borrow a magnifying glass at the desk, which helps with reading the captions on the oldest prints. [11] School tours are free and last about seventy minutes, but they must be booked two weeks ahead.
- [9] Visitors may borrow a magnifying glass at the desk, which is a lifesaver for reading the captions on the oldest prints. [11] School tours are free and last about seventy minutes, but they must be booked two weeks ahead.
- [9] Visitors may borrow a magnifying glass at the desk, which helps with reading the captions on the oldest prints. [11] School tours are free and last about seventy minutes, but they must be booked two weeks ahead, which is a total pain.
Review
The Wishing Well (student draft: review for the school paper): [1] The Lantern Players opened their fall production, a comedy called The Wishing Well, at the Eastside Community Theater on Friday, after six weeks of rehearsal. [2] The play runs two hours, including a fifteen-minute intermission, and tickets cost eight dollars for students and twelve dollars for adults. [3] Unfortunately, the opening scene drags, and the audience seemed restless during the first twenty minutes. [4] The painted set, a village green with a hand-built well, is charming, and the lighting changes smoothly between day and night, which gives the village a believable sense of morning and evening.
[5] Frankly, the lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, mumbled so badly that the back rows could not hear the jokes. [6] The supporting cast, however, spoke clearly and kept the pace lively even when the jokes landed more slowly than the actors had hoped. [7] Ms. Dube, who plays the village baker, earned the loudest laughs of the evening. [8] I mean, her timing was just unreal, and the whole crowd was roaring every time she opened her mouth.
[9] The second act tightens the story and introduces a surprising twist about the well's origin that explains why the villagers keep returning to it. [10] Anyone who misses this show is making a huge mistake, so grab your tickets now. [11] Performances continue through November 16, Thursday through Sunday, with a matinee on Sunday afternoon at two o'clock. [12] The theater is accessible by ramp, and tickets can be reserved by phone or online.
Kira fixes the style slips in sentences [3] and [5] of the review. Which pair of revisions fixes both and keeps every fact?
- [3] The opening scene moves slowly, and the audience appeared restless during the first twenty minutes. [5] The lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, spoke so quietly that the back rows could not hear the jokes.
- [3] The opening scene moves slowly, and the audience appeared restless during the first forty minutes. [5] The lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, spoke so quietly that the back rows could not hear the actor.
- [3] The opening scene moves slowly, and the audience appeared restless during the first twenty minutes. [5] Frankly, the lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, mumbled so badly that the back rows could not hear the jokes.
- [3] Unfortunately, the opening scene drags, and the audience seemed restless during the first twenty minutes. [5] The lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, spoke so quietly that the back rows could not hear the jokes.
Review
The Wishing Well (student draft: review for the school paper): [1] The Lantern Players opened their fall production, a comedy called The Wishing Well, at the Eastside Community Theater on Friday, after six weeks of rehearsal. [2] The play runs two hours, including a fifteen-minute intermission, and tickets cost eight dollars for students and twelve dollars for adults. [3] Unfortunately, the opening scene drags, and the audience seemed restless during the first twenty minutes. [4] The painted set, a village green with a hand-built well, is charming, and the lighting changes smoothly between day and night, which gives the village a believable sense of morning and evening.
[5] Frankly, the lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, mumbled so badly that the back rows could not hear the jokes. [6] The supporting cast, however, spoke clearly and kept the pace lively even when the jokes landed more slowly than the actors had hoped. [7] Ms. Dube, who plays the village baker, earned the loudest laughs of the evening. [8] I mean, her timing was just unreal, and the whole crowd was roaring every time she opened her mouth.
[9] The second act tightens the story and introduces a surprising twist about the well's origin that explains why the villagers keep returning to it. [10] Anyone who misses this show is making a huge mistake, so grab your tickets now. [11] Performances continue through November 16, Thursday through Sunday, with a matinee on Sunday afternoon at two o'clock. [12] The theater is accessible by ramp, and tickets can be reserved by phone or online.
The writer's revision of sentence [8]
Before: I mean, her timing was just unreal, and the whole crowd was roaring every time she opened her mouth.
After: The audience laughed at nearly every line Ms. Dube spoke.The writer revised sentence [8]. Which margin note would Luz write to label both versions and say what the change does for readers?
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal and objective. Readers now learn how the audience reacted to Ms. Dube.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: casual but objective. Readers now learn how the audience reacted to Ms. Dube.
- Before: formal and loaded. After: formal and objective. Readers now learn how the audience reacted to Ms. Dube.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal and objective. Readers now learn that Ms. Dube was the most talented actor in the play.
Review
The Wishing Well (student draft: review for the school paper): [1] The Lantern Players opened their fall production, a comedy called The Wishing Well, at the Eastside Community Theater on Friday, after six weeks of rehearsal. [2] The play runs two hours, including a fifteen-minute intermission, and tickets cost eight dollars for students and twelve dollars for adults. [3] Unfortunately, the opening scene drags, and the audience seemed restless during the first twenty minutes. [4] The painted set, a village green with a hand-built well, is charming, and the lighting changes smoothly between day and night, which gives the village a believable sense of morning and evening.
[5] Frankly, the lead actor, Mr. Ibarra, mumbled so badly that the back rows could not hear the jokes. [6] The supporting cast, however, spoke clearly and kept the pace lively even when the jokes landed more slowly than the actors had hoped. [7] Ms. Dube, who plays the village baker, earned the loudest laughs of the evening. [8] I mean, her timing was just unreal, and the whole crowd was roaring every time she opened her mouth.
[9] The second act tightens the story and introduces a surprising twist about the well's origin that explains why the villagers keep returning to it. [10] Anyone who misses this show is making a huge mistake, so grab your tickets now. [11] Performances continue through November 16, Thursday through Sunday, with a matinee on Sunday afternoon at two o'clock. [12] The theater is accessible by ramp, and tickets can be reserved by phone or online.
Sentence [10] threatens the reader, but it makes a real recommendation. Which revision would Milo use to keep that side in formal, objective words?
- It is hereby urged that the general public attend this production, inasmuch as the scenic design and supporting performers afford considerable gratification.
- Audiences should see this production, because the painted set, the clear supporting cast and the tighter second act reward the evening.
- Some audiences may enjoy this production, while others may prefer to spend the evening elsewhere.
- Audiences should not make the huge mistake of missing this production, because of the painted set and the supporting cast.
A Crosswalk for Linden Avenue (student draft: letter to the city council)
[1] Dear Members of the Council: I am writing on behalf of the Linden Middle School Safety Club to request a marked crosswalk at the corner of Linden Avenue and Ninth Street. [2] About 180 students cross that corner each morning, and the nearest marked crosswalk is two blocks away. [3] In April, the club counted cars at the corner for five mornings and found that an average of 14 cars passed during the ten minutes before first bell. [4] Frankly, drivers around here are reckless maniacs who treat the street like a racetrack.
[5] Of the 31 drivers the club observed on Friday, 22 did not slow down when students were waiting. [6] The police report for the corner lists two minor accidents in the past three years, though neither involved a student. [7] We understand that crosswalks cost money, and that the council must weigh many requests. [8] Honestly, a crosswalk is peanuts compared to what the city spends on its fancy fountain downtown.
[9] The city's public works office estimates that a painted crosswalk with a sign would cost about $3,800. [10] The club has gathered 212 signatures from neighbors in support of the request. [11] If the council ignores us, it is basically telling students that their safety does not matter. [12] We would be grateful for the chance to speak at the council's next meeting on May 6.
Pia fixes the style slips in sentences [4] and [11] of the letter. Which pair of revisions fixes both and keeps every fact?
- [4] Many drivers on this street travel too fast for students to cross safely. [11] If the council ignores us, it is basically telling students that their safety does not matter.
- [4] Frankly, drivers around here are reckless maniacs who treat the street like a racetrack. [11] If the council declines this request, students will continue to cross without a marked crosswalk.
- [4] Many drivers on this street travel too fast for students to cross safely. [11] If the council declines this request, students will continue to cross without a marked crosswalk.
- [4] Many drivers on this street travel too fast for students to cross safely, and the police have issued tickets. [11] If the council declines this request, students will have to cross at the crosswalk two blocks away.
A Crosswalk for Linden Avenue (student draft: letter to the city council)
[1] Dear Members of the Council: I am writing on behalf of the Linden Middle School Safety Club to request a marked crosswalk at the corner of Linden Avenue and Ninth Street. [2] About 180 students cross that corner each morning, and the nearest marked crosswalk is two blocks away. [3] In April, the club counted cars at the corner for five mornings and found that an average of 14 cars passed during the ten minutes before first bell. [4] Frankly, drivers around here are reckless maniacs who treat the street like a racetrack.
[5] Of the 31 drivers the club observed on Friday, 22 did not slow down when students were waiting. [6] The police report for the corner lists two minor accidents in the past three years, though neither involved a student. [7] We understand that crosswalks cost money, and that the council must weigh many requests. [8] Honestly, a crosswalk is peanuts compared to what the city spends on its fancy fountain downtown.
[9] The city's public works office estimates that a painted crosswalk with a sign would cost about $3,800. [10] The club has gathered 212 signatures from neighbors in support of the request. [11] If the council ignores us, it is basically telling students that their safety does not matter. [12] We would be grateful for the chance to speak at the council's next meeting on May 6.
The writer's revision of sentence [11]
Before: If the council ignores us, it is basically telling students that their safety does not matter.
After: If the council declines this request, students will continue to cross without a marked crosswalk.The writer revised sentence [11]. Which margin note would Ren write to label both versions and say what the change does for the council?
- Before: formal but loaded. After: formal and objective. The council now reads the consequence of its choice instead of an accusation.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal and objective. The council now reads that the club no longer wants the crosswalk.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal but loaded. The council now reads the consequence of its choice instead of an accusation.
- Before: casual and loaded. After: formal and objective. The council now reads the consequence of its choice instead of an accusation.
A Crosswalk for Linden Avenue (student draft: letter to the city council)
[1] Dear Members of the Council: I am writing on behalf of the Linden Middle School Safety Club to request a marked crosswalk at the corner of Linden Avenue and Ninth Street. [2] About 180 students cross that corner each morning, and the nearest marked crosswalk is two blocks away. [3] In April, the club counted cars at the corner for five mornings and found that an average of 14 cars passed during the ten minutes before first bell. [4] Frankly, drivers around here are reckless maniacs who treat the street like a racetrack.
[5] Of the 31 drivers the club observed on Friday, 22 did not slow down when students were waiting. [6] The police report for the corner lists two minor accidents in the past three years, though neither involved a student. [7] We understand that crosswalks cost money, and that the council must weigh many requests. [8] Honestly, a crosswalk is peanuts compared to what the city spends on its fancy fountain downtown.
[9] The city's public works office estimates that a painted crosswalk with a sign would cost about $3,800. [10] The club has gathered 212 signatures from neighbors in support of the request. [11] If the council ignores us, it is basically telling students that their safety does not matter. [12] We would be grateful for the chance to speak at the council's next meeting on May 6.
Sentence [11] accuses the council, but it makes a real request. Which revision would Tala use to keep that request in formal, objective words?
- The club asks the council to approve a marked crosswalk, because about 180 students cross this corner each morning.
- The council may wish to consider other requests, and the club will accept whatever it decides.
- It is hereby requested that the honorable council grant approval for the demarcation of a pedestrian crossing, inasmuch as approximately 180 students traverse said corner.
- The club asks the council to approve a marked crosswalk now, before somebody gets hurt by a careless driver.
Sentence [8] is casual and mocking, but it makes a real point about cost. Which revision would Zee use to keep that point in formal, objective words?
- It is respectfully submitted that the expenditure of approximately $3,800 for a pedestrian crossing and signage constitutes an inconsiderable burden upon the municipal treasury.
- At an estimated $3,800, a crosswalk with a sign is peanuts for the city to consider.
- The cost of a crosswalk is a matter that the club does not wish to discuss.
- At an estimated $3,800, a crosswalk with a sign is a modest cost for the city to consider.