Revise and edit a draft
Grade 9 Reading Worksheet - Building Confidence
Circle the best answer.
Read this first
A Safer Stop for Route 14 (student draft: letter to the district transportation office)
[1] I am writing on behalf of eleven families on Maple Hollow Road whose children ride Route 14 to Carver High School every morning. [2] Since the district moved the first pickup to 6:52 a.m. in September, those students have waited in the dark at a stop that has no streetlight and no shelter. [3] The stop is also in a poor location, and that has already led to trouble. [4] Last month a delivery truck stopped within a few feet of two students, and the driver told a parent that he had not seen them.
[5] We understand that a route is a chain of stops, and that moving a single stop can make the forty students farther along the route late. [6] For that reason we are not asking for a new route; we are asking that the bus collect our students at the top of the hill, beside the church parking lot, which has a streetlight and a wide shoulder. [7] We drove the route to the new stop and timed it with a stopwatch, and the district's online map supplied the distances. [8] The change would add about 0.2 miles and under ninety seconds to the route. [9] The walk for students would grow by roughly two minutes, a cost that all eleven families have agreed to accept.
[10] Having spoken with the church office, no objection was raised, and the office, along with its two trustees, are willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock. [11] Given the risks at the current stop, it seems like the district should look at this and do what makes sense. [12] The parents would be glad to meet you at the stop on any weekday morning, so that you can see the hill and the traffic for yourself. [13] Thank you for your time and for your attention to a problem that affects the safety of eleven young people.
Ari reads sentence [3] as the transportation coordinator would. Which revision of [3] serves that reader best?
- The stop is also dangerous, as a delivery truck came within a few feet of two students there just last month.
- The stop is also dangerous, because it sits on a dark stretch where drivers cannot see students at the curb until they are almost beside them.
- The stop is also in a poor location, which has already led to a serious problem for the students who wait there each morning before school starts.
- The stop is also a disaster waiting to happen, and anyone who has stood there at dawn knows how nerve-racking it feels.
A Safer Stop for Route 14 (student draft: letter to the district transportation office)
[1] I am writing on behalf of eleven families on Maple Hollow Road whose children ride Route 14 to Carver High School every morning. [2] Since the district moved the first pickup to 6:52 a.m. in September, those students have waited in the dark at a stop that has no streetlight and no shelter. [3] The stop is also in a poor location, and that has already led to trouble. [4] Last month a delivery truck stopped within a few feet of two students, and the driver told a parent that he had not seen them.
[5] We understand that a route is a chain of stops, and that moving a single stop can make the forty students farther along the route late. [6] For that reason we are not asking for a new route; we are asking that the bus collect our students at the top of the hill, beside the church parking lot, which has a streetlight and a wide shoulder. [7] We drove the route to the new stop and timed it with a stopwatch, and the district's online map supplied the distances. [8] The change would add about 0.2 miles and under ninety seconds to the route. [9] The walk for students would grow by roughly two minutes, a cost that all eleven families have agreed to accept.
[10] Having spoken with the church office, no objection was raised, and the office, along with its two trustees, are willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock. [11] Given the risks at the current stop, it seems like the district should look at this and do what makes sense. [12] The parents would be glad to meet you at the stop on any weekday morning, so that you can see the hill and the traffic for yourself. [13] Thank you for your time and for your attention to a problem that affects the safety of eleven young people.
Peer note beside [8]: "Which of these numbers came from the district's map and which from your stopwatch? The coordinator will ask."
Bo reads the peer's note beside sentence [8]. Which revision of [8] answers that note?
- The change would add about 0.2 miles and under ninety seconds, a delay that no student farther along the route is likely to notice.
- Our stopwatch run shows that the change would add about 0.2 miles, and the district's online map shows that it would add under ninety seconds.
- The change would probably add a small distance and about a minute to the route, though we cannot be certain of either figure.
- The district's online map shows that the change would add about 0.2 miles, and our stopwatch run shows that it would add under ninety seconds.
A Safer Stop for Route 14 (student draft: letter to the district transportation office)
[1] I am writing on behalf of eleven families on Maple Hollow Road whose children ride Route 14 to Carver High School every morning. [2] Since the district moved the first pickup to 6:52 a.m. in September, those students have waited in the dark at a stop that has no streetlight and no shelter. [3] The stop is also in a poor location, and that has already led to trouble. [4] Last month a delivery truck stopped within a few feet of two students, and the driver told a parent that he had not seen them.
[5] We understand that a route is a chain of stops, and that moving a single stop can make the forty students farther along the route late. [6] For that reason we are not asking for a new route; we are asking that the bus collect our students at the top of the hill, beside the church parking lot, which has a streetlight and a wide shoulder. [7] We drove the route to the new stop and timed it with a stopwatch, and the district's online map supplied the distances. [8] The change would add about 0.2 miles and under ninety seconds to the route. [9] The walk for students would grow by roughly two minutes, a cost that all eleven families have agreed to accept.
[10] Having spoken with the church office, no objection was raised, and the office, along with its two trustees, are willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock. [11] Given the risks at the current stop, it seems like the district should look at this and do what makes sense. [12] The parents would be glad to meet you at the stop on any weekday morning, so that you can see the hill and the traffic for yourself. [13] Thank you for your time and for your attention to a problem that affects the safety of eleven young people.
Esme proofreads sentence [10], which has two slips. Which version fixes both without adding a new one?
- Having spoken with the church office, no objection was raised, and the office, along with its two trustees, is willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock.
- Having spoken with the church office, we learned that the office, along with its two trustees, are willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock.
- Having spoken with the church office, we learned that the office, along with its two trustees, is willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock.
- Having spoken with the church office, we learned that the office along with its two trustees, is willing to let buses use the lot before eight o'clock.
Jun reads sentence [11] as the coordinator, who must decide whether to act. Which revision serves that reader best?
- Please fix this stop immediately, because the district has ignored a dangerous situation for far too long and parents are running out of patience.
- Please move the Route 14 pickup to the church parking lot starting next month, so that eleven students no longer wait where drivers cannot see them.
- Given the risks at the current stop, the district should consider reviewing the matter and taking whatever action it judges appropriate.
- The district's online map shows that the church parking lot lies about 0.2 miles up the road from the current stop.
Adding to the Compost Bins (student draft: handout for new community-garden volunteers)
[1] Welcome to the Eastside Community Garden, where more than two hundred pounds of kitchen scraps and garden waste are turned into rich soil each month. [2] This handout explains how to add material to the compost bins during your first volunteer shift.
[3] Compost is made by microbes, which break down plant material when they receive enough air, enough moisture and a balance of two kinds of ingredients. [4] Greens are wet, nitrogen-rich materials such as vegetable peels, coffee grounds and fresh grass clippings, while browns are dry, carbon-rich materials such as fallen leaves, shredded paper and straw. [5] A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, measured by volume.
[6] Before you add anything, check the sign on each bin, which says whether it is open for new material or resting. [7] Chop large scraps to increase surface area and thereby accelerate microbial decomposition. [8] Please limit scraps to one bucket per bin per day, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns. [9] After you add scraps, cover them with a layer of leaves from the brown pile so that the bin stays tidy and does not attract flies.
[10] Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material, and to drop it back on top, because turning mixes air into the pile and it's microbes need air to work. [11] A well-managed bin should feel as damp as a wrung-out sponge and should smell like a forest floor rather than a trash can. [12] If you notice a sour smell, add a layer of browns and tell the garden coordinator before you leave. [13] Thank you for helping us turn waste into something the garden can use.
Peer note beside [5]: "Why two parts brown to one part green? A new volunteer will just dump in whatever is nearest."
Kira reads the peer's note beside sentence [5]. Which revision of [5] answers that note?
- A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, though some gardeners use other mixes and the right ratio can depend on the weather.
- A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, measured by volume, because too many greens pack down into a wet, smelly mass that keeps air out.
- A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, which means filling a bucket with leaves for each half bucket of scraps.
- A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, because too many browns pack down into a wet, smelly mass that keeps air out.
Adding to the Compost Bins (student draft: handout for new community-garden volunteers)
[1] Welcome to the Eastside Community Garden, where more than two hundred pounds of kitchen scraps and garden waste are turned into rich soil each month. [2] This handout explains how to add material to the compost bins during your first volunteer shift.
[3] Compost is made by microbes, which break down plant material when they receive enough air, enough moisture and a balance of two kinds of ingredients. [4] Greens are wet, nitrogen-rich materials such as vegetable peels, coffee grounds and fresh grass clippings, while browns are dry, carbon-rich materials such as fallen leaves, shredded paper and straw. [5] A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, measured by volume.
[6] Before you add anything, check the sign on each bin, which says whether it is open for new material or resting. [7] Chop large scraps to increase surface area and thereby accelerate microbial decomposition. [8] Please limit scraps to one bucket per bin per day, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns. [9] After you add scraps, cover them with a layer of leaves from the brown pile so that the bin stays tidy and does not attract flies.
[10] Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material, and to drop it back on top, because turning mixes air into the pile and it's microbes need air to work. [11] A well-managed bin should feel as damp as a wrung-out sponge and should smell like a forest floor rather than a trash can. [12] If you notice a sour smell, add a layer of browns and tell the garden coordinator before you leave. [13] Thank you for helping us turn waste into something the garden can use.
Luz proofreads sentence [10], which has two slips. Which version fixes both without adding a new one?
- Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material and dropping it back on top; because turning mixes air into the pile and its microbes need air to work.
- Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material, and to drop it back on top, because turning mixes air into the pile and its microbes need air to work.
- Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material and dropping it back on top, because turning mixes air into the pile and it's microbes need air to work.
- Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material and dropping it back on top, because turning mixes air into the pile and its microbes need air to work.
Milo reads sentence [7] as a brand-new volunteer would. Which revision serves that reader best?
- Chop large scraps to increase their surface area and speed up the microbes' decomposition of the material.
- Chop large scraps into pieces about the size of a walnut, because microbes break down small pieces much faster than whole ones.
- Chop up your scraps, folks, because tiny bits rot way faster and the microbes will love you for it, so get chopping.
- Chop large scraps into small pieces, because microbes break down small pieces much faster than whole ones do.
Adding to the Compost Bins (student draft: handout for new community-garden volunteers)
[1] Welcome to the Eastside Community Garden, where more than two hundred pounds of kitchen scraps and garden waste are turned into rich soil each month. [2] This handout explains how to add material to the compost bins during your first volunteer shift.
[3] Compost is made by microbes, which break down plant material when they receive enough air, enough moisture and a balance of two kinds of ingredients. [4] Greens are wet, nitrogen-rich materials such as vegetable peels, coffee grounds and fresh grass clippings, while browns are dry, carbon-rich materials such as fallen leaves, shredded paper and straw. [5] A healthy bin holds roughly two parts brown to one part green, measured by volume.
[6] Before you add anything, check the sign on each bin, which says whether it is open for new material or resting. [7] Chop large scraps to increase surface area and thereby accelerate microbial decomposition. [8] Please limit scraps to one bucket per bin per day, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns. [9] After you add scraps, cover them with a layer of leaves from the brown pile so that the bin stays tidy and does not attract flies.
[10] Turn the pile once a week by pushing the fork to the bottom, lifting the material, and to drop it back on top, because turning mixes air into the pile and it's microbes need air to work. [11] A well-managed bin should feel as damp as a wrung-out sponge and should smell like a forest floor rather than a trash can. [12] If you notice a sour smell, add a layer of browns and tell the garden coordinator before you leave. [13] Thank you for helping us turn waste into something the garden can use.
Peer note beside [8]: "One bucket per bin per day, but is that for each volunteer or for everyone together?"
Noah reads the peer's note beside sentence [8]. Which revision of [8] answers that note?
- Please limit scraps to one five-gallon bucket per bin per day, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns.
- Please limit scraps to one bucket per volunteer per bin per day, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns.
- Please limit scraps to one bucket per bin per day in total, however many volunteers are working, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns.
- Please try to keep scraps to about one bucket per bin per day, unless the scraps are mostly dry, so that the greens do not overwhelm the browns.
Container Shape and Evaporation (student draft: lab report for a science teacher)
[1] This experiment investigated whether the shape of a container changes how fast water evaporates. [2] I predicted that water in a wide, shallow dish would evaporate faster than water in a tall, narrow glass, because more of the water surface touches the air.
[3] I poured 200 milliliters of room-temperature water into each of three containers: a shallow dish, a measuring cup and a tall glass. [4] All three sat on the same windowsill, away from the heater, for seven days. [5] Measuring the remaining water at 8:00 each morning, the loss from the dish was greatest, the glass lost the least. [6] By the end of the week the dish had lost 92 milliliters, the measuring cup had lost 41 milliliters and the tall glass had lost 28 milliliters. [7] These results support my prediction. [8] The dish, which had the widest opening, lost more than three times as much water as the glass, which had the narrowest.
[9] A possible source of error is that the dish sat closer to the window than the other two containers, so it may have received more sunlight. [10] The dish was also the only container made of ceramic rather than glass or plastic, so the material could have affected the result. [11] Evaporation is influenced by lots of different factors, so one cannot say for sure. [12] If I was to repeat the experiment, I would set all three containers the same distance from the window and choose containers made of the same material, so that less sources of error would remain.
Pia proofreads sentence [5], which has two slips. Which version fixes both without adding a new one?
- Measuring the remaining water at 8:00 each morning, I found that the dish lost the most water, however, the glass lost the least.
- Measuring the remaining water at 8:00 each morning, I found that the dish lost the most water; the glass lost the least.
- Measuring the remaining water at 8:00 each morning, I found that the dish lost the most water, the glass lost the least.
- Measuring the remaining water at 8:00 each morning, the loss from the dish was greatest; the glass lost the least.
Ren reads sentence [11] as the science teacher would. Which revision of [11] serves that reader best?
- Because the dish also sat nearest the window and was the only ceramic container, this test cannot show that its wide opening alone caused the greater loss.
- Because the dish sat nearest the window, its greater loss may have come from sunlight rather than from the shape of its opening.
- Honestly, it could be almost anything, so I can't really say whether the shape of the container mattered at all.
- Evaporation depends on many different factors, so the results of this experiment should be treated with caution.